Lost

Today I lost someone that I once considered to be a good friend of mine because it was hard for them to deal with my depression. I've got to say that dealing with something like this is hard, so I can't really blame them, because it's hard enough for me to stand myself, but I regret losing such a good friend. I feel lost today.

Losing someone like that was not a pleasant experience. Today I felt more of my humanity slipping from my control. If I didn't have control over myself, I would have howled from the pain I was feeling and tore my room apart. You can say it however you want, and you can make fun of me for sounding so dramatic, but I felt a monster inside slipping free.

Webster's dictionary defines the word "friend" as someone who is attached to another by affection or esteem, one that is not hostile, or a favored companion. I would like to think that I have a great set of friends who have helped me through my troubles, but I've also had quite a few friends who have given up on me and hurt me, and despite my condition, I continually try to have faith in them. The bible says "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."  It also says that the counsel of a friend is like the sweet smell of incense and perfume, which I would have to testify as true because I've had many moments where my friends have calmed me down from my worst moments. I'm thankful to have them in my life.

Please pray for me.